Difficulty Grabbing Onto An Oiled Ice Cube

The stains of my life and my sin on this side of salvation are all too difficult for me to put into a box called grace.  Understanding God's love is just like trying grab onto an oiled ice cube. But with an under-appreciated mercy God grabs my face with the delicacy of a friend and the solitude of life-saving: and whispers the words that still cut to my heart like a spark to pure oxygen--I love you Randy Olive. I sit here with my eyes welling up wishing I had just another word beyond the English tongue to express the necessity for us to dance with uninhibited joy in the courtyard of our fathers love. To be pulled close like a son or a daughter into the chest of an unconditional father. To know that our life is not insignificant. There is more. The hole that collapses in our soul over and over can indeed have love as a geyser. And even now trying to write eloquently to describe the way He loves us is as insignificant as a gnat buzzing in the ear of a king. The awesome thing is that a love that un-understanable is the very thing that drives me to love without limit. The experience of His love is so strange: the explanation of it as a hurricane is perfect. His love sacrifices. So much so that sometimes we fall into what is called his love, but wrenches us to our very being. We can very much be the casualty of His love and never understand the why, but what sweet company--a God who spared nothing would find you or I fit to carry His love even when it hurts. Jesus did. To the cross. I can do nothing but be okay by being floored in desperation for more of what God calls love for me. No matter what. I am just a child in the glimpse of Him: with tiny hand, trying to grasp an oiled ice cube--and He is proud of that. He is proud of our consumed thoughts being poured out over understanding Him. His love. His desire for us.

Before it's real popularity there was a song that gripped my soul. It spoke my angst of understanding God--arguing with Him over the why's, the how's, even my own falls into desire, my own walls that I built in front of him: He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane. I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize how beautiful you are and how great your afflictions for me. Oh how he loves us so. Oh how he loves us. How he loves us so.

Realizing God's love for us...how very sweet that is.