I am commited?

This morning I was reminded of much of my life lived in a roller coaster fashion in my walk with God. Many of my teenage years were very much a waiting-for-the-next-camp-experience walk. There were so many ups and cliche downs, but why? I woke up from a dream where I was doing something wrong. I don't quite remember the dream, but it was one of those ones you wake up from and have to take a minute to realize it's not real. I think I stole something. Anyways, the point is I woke up frantic. I felt like I was in deep doo-doo. As I came too it was all laughable because there was no real trouble. But like I said something about that triggered my thoughts about being that up-and-down sort of guy for so long. The word commitment popped into my head bone. I don't think this is profound, but I wonder if the reason so many of us struggle with our relationship with God is because we have commitment issues. Now, obviously that would be a no brainer. Of course if we have up and down moments in our relationship with God we have commitment issues. I think there is something to that though in a deeper sense. I believe we get uncomfortable with digging into our feelings: really letting God root around in there to heal us. In that discomfort, we create a reason to bail--we come up with a real life "it's me not you" moment with God. We choose to fall to our own sinful desires, put up a little gap between us and God, and wallow there for a bit. Then knowing full well we are in need of Him: we re pursue Christ again. The relationship feels like new. It has a bit of "dating" to it. We feel overwhelmed with certain emotions (even negative ones). We feel like it is a new relationship. And that will satisfy us long enough to get close until the discomfort of our past hurts come to the surface once again. We are faced again with the difficulty of looking headlong into Christ with the disgust of our lives, but where there is healing--or tuck tail and run. Most of us run. It is really like our own commitment problems in relationships. We do what we have to do until fear cohearses us to find something new. We try to create a new "God" with a leaving and coming back charade. Unfortunately two things are at issue there: #1 Healing outside of God never truly happens and you will run from many things and cause many hurts and add to the pile of your own life's fodder. We need healing in our lives. Everyone has hurts. God heals. #2 God would call that sort of life luke warm. He only has one answer for that: to spit it out of His mouth. I hate the thought of making God sick.

I am committed? No, I AM COMMITTED. My choice is in Christ (not my feelings).